Denial; our Friend!
Friend indeed? Yet it can create such loss of time and resources, friends and allies.
True, but it also protects us from overwhelming grief. And, until we are stronger, clearer, wiser and kinder to even ourselves (especially, ourselves) seeing, hearing or feeling and/or sensing what truths we are being confronted with it is very often impossible for us to integrate into our consciousness and being what contorted gift we are being confronted with.
I am glad to be in my late 70’s and an elder, if not Elder. Otherwise the arrogance and conceit that my denial hid behind could not have been seen. And, thanks for the great losses, personal and generic, that have recently befallen me with my elder-hood it has been possible for me to wend my way through the masks, social constraints consequences (of thought and deeds) and their aftermath that I have been able remove the masks hiding my vulnerabilities. Ah, what fresh air of realization awaited me. Although some chilled me to the bone till I grappled with the demonic nature of “the gifts”.
The loss of marriage, home, business and self-aggrandized “position”, great friend to cancerous death then of old friend and former wife, mother to my son, and others forces of darkness. Not to mention the HUGE problem of overpopulation, corruptions of self and other, wanton destruction of our planetary well-being. The HUGE problems of societal complicity in my own elaborate denial system. The HUGE problem of how, if possible to change the direction of our dire circumstances. And, the profound awareness of the at the same time Absolute necessity to do something at the same time as knowing the insignificance in a Universal and Infinite Matrix of Creation. Huge but infinitely small.
Reeling from the initial forces of destruction of my sense of self my self-medicating of my grief kept me from being flooded. As time went on and I slowly integrated the changes and the losses the self-medicating became less necessary and more beneficial.
The bones of my being were being revealed, after the struggle to unmask the arrogance and conceit, built upon questionable symbols of status and well-being. Reduced to my basic structure, fortunate for me grounded in happiness, home, family and moral guidance, my health and happiness assist me in redesigning Me!
The reworking is now more intentional, more forthright and honest and new openings await me.
Faith; Trust and Love, have guided me and now in my current state of re-building self-esteem and belief in myself that Faith enables me to launch a new sense of self. A new business, new definitions of relationships and friendships and new goals and pursuits.
The website: www.SoulCultivation.life is my vehicle for change and my offering of substance to help to bring about an ever growing sense of well-being for us, All of us, and the life force that sustains us.
Thanks to all of you for assisting me in this venture. This Grand Adventure!